Battle of Emotions
by cngarner
Summary: After meeting with FItz in the Bunker and trying to return to work, Olivia is having difficulties keeping it all together.
1. Chapter 1

As she turned away from his arms letting out her last bit of tears, she gathered herself together because... Olivia Pope... she does not cry and this... this is not personal.

Olivia leaves the bunker repeating to herself "It's not personal, it's not about me, it's about the story." more to convince herself than to remind herself.

Once back in her office with the help of her team, it's straight to work, her main priority is making sure she has clients who remember all that she's done for them and will back her up. After endless hours of phone calls, she calls it quits, she's completely out of clients. As she slowly lifts her head from her hands she captures her reflection. She takes a real good look at herself and sees all of her emotions she can't control and herself... herself falling apart and it chokes her up. But before she has time to get herself together, she looks up to see Fitz at her door. Fitz invites himself in and walks over to her ever so cautious of her state and rests a hand on her shoulder. When she doesn't retreat, he pulls her onto his lap and she immediately molds to his form.

"What are you doing here; you can't be here, more so now than ever..." she sighs into his chest.

"..You know why I'm here..." they glance at each other "Because the woman I love's name is in the headlines, and she won't admit it _hurts_.. and.. that _it is _in fact _personal_. She also just left my arms in ruins and I did nothing to stop her..." Fitz murmurs voice thick with sadness.

Olivia feels the tears start to swell back up and lets out a small wail trying to suffocate the subsequent wails in his shirt, trying her hardest not to bawl... especially while he's here.  
She tries to be strong, she hates being vulnerable in the open, she hates _this._

"It's okay to cry liv... it's okay to be vulnerable sometimes… you can't hold everything in and keep them to yourself. Cry... cry as much as you need and I'll still be right here.. holding you.. comforting you.. caring for you, just like you've cared for me.. I'm here for you and I'm not going anywhere... so take your time... I'm staying right here..."

No matter how hard she tried, Olivia couldn't resist anymore. She has so much built up inside from unsaid words to unacknowledged feelings and she just can't control them anymore.

So she cries. She cries as if she's never cried before. She cries and then she tries to stop unsuccessfully and the cycle repeats. There's no room left for her to hide.

They sit like this for hours, no talking, just liv finally letting go. Fitz knew she was too tired and couldn't continue with all of this weighing on her heart when she left the bunker.

He, not secret service, drives her home; she doesn't put up a fight or protests either she just turns into putty in his hands. By the time they arrive at her place she's in a deep sleep. Fitz carries her up to bed and lays her down to rest, he turns to leaves but she whimpers his name... He couldn't bring himself to leave her like this when he knows he's the reason... _he_ did this to her... _he_ was the one to leak her name… so he lays down, pulls her into him and begin to question everything's he's done.


	2. Chapter 2

Fitz wakes up around 7 a.m. to find Olivia still sleeping. He gets out of her bed cautiously so he won't wake her and starts a pot of coffee. While the coffee's going he begins pacing with his cup as something to clutch. Trying to figure out if he wants to tell her it was him who leaked her name and if so how.

"Olivia I know who leaked your name… me_" _No that sounds horrible

"Olivia yesterday something came over me to leak your name"No!

"Olivia… Olivia… we need to talk… Olivia..."

"…Yes?"

Startled by her presence he drops the cup and watches it shatter into thousands of pieces thinking that's what's going to happen to their relationship when she finds out he leaked her name.

"Sorry didn't mean to startle you…"

"It's okay." He laughs "you really did scare me though ha." They both chuckle in unison.

"Did you need something… or you just like hearing yourself say my name?" She smiles.

"…No, I just… was thinking…I didn't want to wake you but I need to get back to the white house, Cyrus has been calling non-stop… I just didn't want to disturb you." He lies not really sure if and how much of him talking to himself she heard.

Olivia sensed he was lying but didn't want to press the issue.

"Oh, well you can go now, I'm fine… I don't know what came over me yesterday, I was…. But I'm fine now…"

"Maybe I should stay; I could just go and grab a few things?"

"No Fitz. You've done more than enough, I'm fine… really, plus I have work…"

"… No, I'm staying. You go call …Patterson?—

"Harrison." Olivia chuckles.

"Harrison. You tell Harrison to take over."

Olivia contemplating saying no, but knowing Fitz he would call himself.

"Okay fine."

"Alright then, Give me an hour…tops."

He gently pulls her face upwards so she doesn't have anywhere to look but at him. "Call me if you need anything… anything liv."

"Okay." She smiles, and with that he's gone.

Olivia cleans up the porcelain from the cup and melts to the kitchen floor. Although she really needs to be at work, nothing sounds more pleasing than a day with the man she loves. No matter what she had to sacrifice in order for that to happen she would do it. She needed him, now more than ever. In the last 24 hours her world has been such a mess. Such a mess she can't stop thinking about it... Getting up from the floor she decided to return to bed forgetting all about OPA and drifting back to sleep.

2½ hours later Olivia wakes; she remembers Fitz and checks the time, "Fitz?" she calls but receives no answer. Walking to her kitchen and living room she finds them empty, she checks the bathroom and guest room… nothing. She reaches for her phone and called Fitz.

"Hey… where are you? I'm fine... I just woke and didn't see you, you said 'an hour…tops'…"

"I was there, 45 minutes tops but you were asleep so I went to get coffee and pick up lunch and….. right now… I'm at your door."

She hangs up the phone and takes her time getting over to the door not wanting to look any more desperate than she already felt.

"Hi..."

"Hi…" he replies leaning down and claiming her mouth. After departing which neither party was all that fond of, Fitz went and started setting up for lunch.

"I wasn't sure what you wanted so as a drink I got you a Caramel Macchiato and I go rust both a grilled chicken salad with apple slices on the side. How does that sound?"

"Perfect." She smiles.

They ate in silence. Fitz absolutely loving this "Olivia" time, while Olivia loved it, she was still feeling a type of way about how she let herself be so vulnerable in his presence.

"It's okay liv…" Fitz whispered. He always knew what she was feeling or what she was about to say. She loved that about him, it always seemed to ease her.

"I just feel like… I don't know what came over me…"

"you were scared… upset… and with you guarding your emotions all the time and being scared of vulnerability … when something does affect you, like yesterday, you don't know what to do and sometimes you cry. It's okay."

"…yeah…. I'm not good at this whole emotions/crying thing… it's weird…" Olivia sighs.

"It's okay to show how you feel… but if you don't want to that's fine. I'll be by your side no matter how much you cry or how much you don't cry. I love you." He breathes resting his hand on her lower back. She turns to face him, looking him in his eyes. She never noticed how blue they were before. Getting lost in the sea of blue she leans in for an overdue, semi-aggressive kiss. Fitz pulls her into his lap; hands gripping her ass like his life depended on it. Her hands were lost in his luscious dark brown curls. As Fitz works his hands up her sides, he can feel her start to stiffen and back away from him.

"Mmmm, as good as that feels, we can't. We don't have time."

"We have time... We have all day."

"Not quite… I never called Harrison."

"Liv..."

"I know, I know, but I can still call… I'd just rather go in and make sure everything's fine first though…"

"Olivia Caroline Pope, you are a hard women to get alone… Fine, I'll drive you though."

"Okay, we can do that." She smiled, running her hands through his hair one last time while nibbling at his lips... There embrace was cut short by a knock at the door.

"I'll get it." Fitz jumped up and sat Olivia down.

"NO! no! no! no! I'll get it!" Olivia screamed as she raced for the door and Fitz laughed.

"You go wait in…. my room." She pointed, and Fitz obeyed his orders.

"Liv, it's Huck."

"Hey, sorry I didn't call; I'm not gonna be in today so I need Harrison to take over."

"Okay, I'll let him know… but there's someone requesting to see you and you only and refuses to leave until he speaks with you. He says he's your dad?"

_My dad?! What is he doing here! Why! _ Olivia thought.

"Alright, well give me 30 minutes and I'll be there."

"Okay."

Olivia, somewhat irritated that he would show up to her job, went to her bedroom to get dressed.

"Fitz!"

"Yes, did I hear something about your dad?"

"Yeah, long story but change of plans, I'm gonna drive myself, this isn't quite the right time for The President of the United States and my dad to meet."

"Okay, I understand…but who is he, what does he do?"

"That's a story for another time, maybe we'll talk about it later. I'll be back in 2…2½ hours… tops." She said, she kissed him quickly, and then she was gone.


	3. Chapter 3

"What are you doing here? I was pretty certain I made it clear that you stay away from me and the people involved with me as well as to stay out of my business."

"Well since you went and had or is having an affair with the President, that kind of becomes my business. You are endangering the republic."

"You know for once in my life it would be perfect to actually have _my dad_ present and tell me it's not the end of the world or my career. That it's going to be fine."

"If I did that I wouldn't be _your dad_, I would be a liar. Now I'm going to ask you to stop, if you are, seeing the President."

"Why should I listen to you, what if I say no?"

"You will stop seeing him. We can do this your way or my way, but at the end of the day… You two will be over."

Distracted by her ringing phone she tunes Rowan out even more.

"That must be him now, calling to see how his darling is."

"Uhm, you can stop now. Is that all that you wanted? I have a job to do."

"We'll be in touch." He replied as he exited OPA.

Returning to her phone, it was Fitz. _Sorry liv, something's come up. I have a very important meeting but I'll see you later. Love, Fitz. _ Liv knew that the chances of her seeing Fitz later were very slim so she didn't dwell on it too much.

"Fitz! Your wife and Cyrus are in Cyrus's Office."

"Tell them I'll be right in, give me a moment."

"Alright sir."

All Fitz could think about was liv and how she was. He was more concerned with her than this meeting, of which he didn't even know who he was meeting with.

"Fitz, Good to see you again." Greeted Rowan.

"Likewise, what are you-?"

"Are you having an affair with Olivia Pope?"

"Sir?"

"I said, are you having an affair with Olivia Pope?"

"No disrespect Rowan, but I am a very dedicated husband. Why would I want to ruin my marriage? Even if I was, what does it have to do with you?"

"Maybe you've forgotten who I am, but you do not question me. You are all over the headlines; do you realize this could ruin your chances of re-election?"

"Those are just rumors."

"Oh just rumors. Next, you're going to tell me I didn't hear Mellie on Live Television saying you had an affair." Rowan ended the conversation and walked out the door.

Fitz, still confused as to why Rowan's so concerned with Olivia made his way to Cyrus's Office.

"Abby! Don't we have a 10 o'clock?"

"Yeah, I'll call and check on them."

Olivia phone rings. She answers immediately thinking it was Fitz, but to her disappointment it's Jake. She quickly makes up an excuse not to talk and ends the talk. She turns to her stereo and turns on some Debussy. Clair de Lune, Getting lost in the keys.

"Olivia, 10 o'clock cancelled… as well as 11:30 and 3…"

"Did they want to reschedule?" she replied trying not to sound effected by what's happening.

"No… Should I try to call them back... or…?"

"No that's fine, why don't we call it a day here, I'm sure everyone could use a day to themselves." Olivia sighed.

"Yeah, sure… I'll make sure to lock up." Abby called, but Olivia was long gone.

Back at home, Olivia relaxed, a little bit more with every glass. She wanted to drown her feelings in Vodka; the wine just wasn't doing the trick. Even though she was a little buzzed all she thought about is Fitz. What he's doing, where he is. Fitz, Fitz, Fitz. Everything always leads to Fitz. Half of her wanted to call him, but she can't, she needs to stop _this._ They must stop. She turns to watching a little news as a distraction, but it only made it worse. _This just in, from an anonymous source, new developments on Operation Remington, was the President of the United States involved? And even better did he shoot down the plane carrying a few hundred passengers. _Olivia dropped her glass and stared in shock. She walked over and drank the Vodka straight out the bottle, ignoring the broken glass.

"He couldn't be involved, I mean it's Fitz he would never." She told herself

"I'm not going to try to believe that, the media likes to make something out of nothing. If he was involved he wouldn't have done that, I mean my mother was on board. Other passengers… that's not Fitz." She kept repeating.

Olivia drank herself to sleep, forgetting all that was happening and how her life was turning upside down one second at a time.


End file.
